Souffle Etc

I have a dream. Well, I had one. Once.

Oh a few months ago, I had the kick-assest dream ever. I dreamed… I could give myself head. I thought that would read better than saying, ‘suck my own dick.’ Shit.

I really did though. It was an awesome dream. As I was dreaming it, I kept thinking, “Oh my go, this is soooo cool!” And I know you’re wondering if I have a point, and the answer is yes. Right now my mouth is on it. BAM

AHAHAHAHA but seriously. All this talk about dreams and things I’d love to be famous for.. I was watching Enchanted with my grandma yesterday (because I’m a damn good grandson and when she eventually dies, I’m gonna get the house), and Rosa Parks was mentioned in passing. I turn to my grandma and say, “Wait a minute, she died this year right? No, wait.. she died recently? ..well she died anyways.” Yeah, turns out she did. I had a little moment of silence for Rosa Parks, but not very long, because a computer animated cockroach got eaten by a computer animated pigeon!! XD ahahahaha BRILLIANT!! Comedy GOOOOLD!!!

Seriously though. Do you know what made Rosa Parks famous? She sat down. ..waiiiiiit for it.. On a BUS of all things. Some asshole wanted to be an asshole and she said NO you nigga ass bitch I’m on this bus, and I’m sitting in the front. (That’s how it would have sounded in the bad part of town, today.) Guess what? She got plastered all over the front page of every damn newspaper, and written in every history book, even in Alabama, where they have more kids and dogs than IQ points. (Which is why she’s still in the books. THEY CAN’T READ THEM!) BAM

Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, Dr. Pepper, they all have fake credentials, and they all want us to stand up for something. Whoop de doo. Standing up makes your ass all firm and pert. I’d rather sit down; then I get featured in all the new music videos, and I have a rear end that doubles as a pillow. (I can choke my own chickens, remember? Assdreaming is the next plausible step)

So let me ask you, what do YOU sit down for? …this goes for more than just @ifearme, even though he’s the only one following me so far. This jackass in walmart was whining and bitching because an 80-year-old Armenian dude was buying 864 packs of crayons, I kid you not, and the inventory system was stupid so they had to ring every single one of them up individually. That takes awhile. Forget that the whiny guy was told it would take awhile. Forget everything about him and his dumbass standing in line right behind him anyways. This loser starts whining, and if he had whined one more second, my rage would be unleashed, and I would have called him out on it.

“Little Bitch,” I would have said, “look around you. Mothers are waiting to finish shopping so they can take care of their kids. My grandma has one half of a lung to breathe with. I’m an arrogant, impatient asshole. We are all standing in line, and everything is hunky-dory. Chill out. NO I SAID CHILL OUT.” I was waaaaaiting for him to whine just one more time..

That’s how it would have went down. I would have became the next Rosa Parks! Color me Liberated, that would have been excellent!!! Alas, he shut up before I could yell at him. I’m tired of standing up for things!! My feet get tired :C

So I’m going to sit down for what I believe now, and I will be all comfy and it will be much harder to push me over, because my center of gravity will be lower. Really though, it’s time to do things. Big things. I will be on the lookout for chances to stand up for the underdogs, be an asshole to assholes, and sit down for what I believe in. Do the same, friend(s). Because your chance at being a part of history is just a couple asscheeks away.